Most of what is written about getting somebody up and down stairs assumes a medical reason. A discharge, an appointment, a scan.

A good share of the calls we take are not medical at all. A grandson is getting married in three weeks. A husband's funeral is on Saturday and his widow has not been down her own front steps since February. It is Thanksgiving and the whole family is at the daughter's house in Melrose, up a flight, the way it has been for thirty years.

Families often do not realize this is a thing you can simply book. So here is how to plan one properly, and the honest note about when not to.

Think about both buildings, not one

The mistake almost everybody makes is planning the steps at home and forgetting the steps at the other end. Then the day arrives and there are four granite steps at the front of the church and no plan for them.

• Call the venue and ask specifically about a level entrance. Churches, function halls and funeral homes very often have a side or rear door that is level or ramped and that nobody advertises. Ask the parish office, not the website.
• Ask where the bathroom is. A perfect plan for the front door means nothing if the only accessible bathroom is down in the function room.
• Ask about parking close to that entrance, and whether anybody needs to reserve it. For a funeral the director will usually sort this out if asked.
• Count the steps at home again, properly, including the small one at the threshold that everybody forgets.

Budget for the way back

Getting out of the house is half the job. The other half is four hours later when everybody is tired, and that is the half that goes wrong when it has not been planned.

Stair assistance is $200 a visit , so a day that needs the person brought down in the morning and back up in the evening is two visits. Wheelchair transport is $115 each way, or $230 round trip, within five miles and then $2 a mile. Book both ends at the same time, off the same number, and nobody spends the reception on the phone trying to find a ride home.

Build in slack. Do not schedule the stair visit for fifteen minutes before the service starts. An hour of margin costs nothing and removes the one thing that makes these days stressful.

The things families forget until the day

• Somebody has to stay with them. Not to supervise, just so they are not parked at the edge of a room while everybody else circulates. An aide for the afternoon at $45 an hour is often the difference between attending an event and being present at one.
• Seating. Ask for a chair with arms, near the end of a row, near the door. Church pews are the single most uncomfortable hour in any of this.
• Plan an early exit and say so out loud. Deciding beforehand that you will leave after the toasts takes the pressure off everybody, especially the person themselves, who will otherwise sit through three hours rather than be a nuisance.
• Clothes and shoes. Getting somebody dressed properly takes far longer than the family remembers, and good shoes are often the worst shoes for a transfer.
• Medication timing. Shifting the schedule around an event is worth a conversation with the pharmacist rather than a guess.

Going home one last time

This is a request we get more than people would guess, and it deserves saying plainly: it is allowed, and it is arrangeable.

Somebody in a facility, or somebody who is not going to get better, wants to sit in their own kitchen for an hour. See the garden. See the dog. Choose what comes with them and what does not. Families often assume it is impossible because of the stairs, and then never ask.

If that is what you are planning, tell us that is what it is when you call. It changes how we schedule it. We will leave more time, we will not rush the transfers, and we will not be standing in the hallway looking at a watch.

When the honest answer is to bring it to them

We would rather say this than sell two visits that end badly. Sometimes the trip is not the right idea.

If somebody is exhausted by twenty minutes in a chair, if they are frightened rather than merely confused in unfamiliar rooms, or if the day would be six hours of noise and strangers, the event can come to the house instead. A video call at the graveside. The couple coming round in the dress on the way to the reception, which in our experience is remembered more fondly than the wedding itself would have been. Thanksgiving moved to the ground floor.

Nobody needs to be carried anywhere to be included. Ask the person, and take the answer seriously.

How much notice do you need?

More than you think for a Saturday, less than you fear for a weekday. Weekends and holidays book up, so a wedding three weeks out should be arranged now rather than the week before. A funeral is usually short notice by definition and we do our best; call as soon as the date is set.

Send a photograph from the bottom of the stairs at home, and tell us what you know about the venue. We can usually confirm on the call.

Where to go from here

• To arrange the day. Book stair assistance and transport here. Stair assistance is $200 a visit with two trained staff and a motorized chair; wheelchair transport is $115 each way.
• If somebody should be with them for the afternoon. Home health aide care is $45 an hour, one to eight hours a day, with no minimum contract. A single four hour booking is $180 and is a perfectly normal thing to ask for.

Care Remedy Inc, 100 TradeCenter Suite G-700, Woburn, MA 01801. Call 781-957-8076 . Home health aide care, wheelchair transportation and stair assistance across Greater Boston, with offices in Woburn, Brockton and Springfield.

Our rates are current as of publication. This article is general information and is not medical advice. If the person is under the care of a hospice or facility, speak to their team before planning an outing.